sábado, 26 de julho de 2008

Esperança do ode (Esperança do canto)

   Escrevo cheia de crimes a cometer, porém estou lúcida: até quando, - será - que me corresponderás? À lucidez, eu pergunto. Fagulhas, álcool, cigarros e não acendo o fósforo; há o medo de que a casa pegue fogo, de que o corpo se corroa, de que a alma em chamas se perca inteira e nua. Engulo o azedume do meu peito de um jeito extravagante e vá ele, direto para o estômago corroído, amaldiçoado pelos infortunos de toda uma vida.

   Olho as coisas sobrepostas do meu jeito volátil e condescendente. Não estou a par quando não quero estar do que sombreia meu mundo, inebria a colores as voltas dos outros e o meu beijo, todo meu, que é só meu. Céu da boca maremoto, felicidade do frio e da mente sã, corpo trêmulo e um pouco de vermicida nas ranhuras: para além da loucura!

   Quero estar livre para quando o outro chegar; libre, livro, libro, Paris, Barcelona, língua no meu teto perambula todo veemente e só, não lhe digo mais. Estou a silenciar-me no deleito em que confundo a realidade com a realidade doutrens. Quando tudo me giram palavras de outro mundo, línguas dobradas e dobradas pra se falar verdades apaziguadas e eu rio, com cara devassa-amena: agora inquieto-me na frente do espelho gosto rosa ou vermelho na boca, engulo o riso, pode ser agouro.

   Agouro é verdade, coisa que estonteia a mente que parou de pensar; não quer girar nesse sentido em que alguns de nós giramos. Ainda quero estar aqui, na verdade libre, para quando eu partir em pedaços fulminantes; quando nós não existirmos e contágios acabarem. Perguntas partirão, respostas serão nem subterfúgios, nem navios, nem gatunos enluarados. Um mar todo de pétalas: o teu enterro em que eu não estarei. (O TEU ENTERRO EM QUE EU NÃO ESTAREI)

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